Addiction Takes Over

As I am sitting in the Drs office this past week and hearing him tell me what my reality is, I want to punch him in his face.  I don't want to listen to anything that he has to say, even though I know I HAVE to!

Reality has set it.  The time has come when I am faced with having to detox.  Detox from a sleeping medication that I have been prescribed for 5 YEARS!  A medication that a person should only be using for 2 WEEKS!  My Drs have knowingly been giving me this medication with no questions asked for 5 years.  I am addicted.  I am an addict.  I cannot break the cycle to stop this on my own.  This is a narcotic.

I feel like a drug addict that no longer has a drug dealer.  I cannot just contact my Dr and tell them I need more meds.  They is no longer there.  They are no longer willing to give me this drug.  

Instead of doing an impatient detox I am doing an outpatient.  My body needs impatient.  BUT, there is no magic medication that can help with the withdrawls of Ambien.  It is not like a street drug.  I can't just take methadone to rid of withdrawls like you can with heroine.  The Drs are working amazingly to help keep the withdrawls at a minimum and also with less heath risks as possible.  

It is not going to be an easy few months.  It is going to take that long to wean off of the Ambien.  We have to go slowly or it can cause seizures or heart attacks.  For a woman, I am on a very high dose.  And I take it EVERY night.  It is so unsafe.  Im realizing this now.  The effects that this is having on my body is horrible.  It is to the stage now where it is not even working and it is causing more harm that it is good.  

Im not one to talk about struggles like this, but this is a topic I feel is important.  I never in a million years would have admitted that I am an addict, especially to a drug that I am receiving from my Drs every month.  This drug is suppose to help me sleep, not cause the issues that it is now.  

All I ask of my family and friends is patience.  Patience as my emotional roller coaster is all out of whack for a few months.  It is going to take time, and we all know how well I do with things taking time!!  Its going to be a struggle for all of us but patience needs to be on our side.  <3     

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

As almost every one of my friends and family members know, Bill just returned from Deployment less than 4 months ago (end of February).  He is now starting to train and will deploy again in the next 7 months.  Again, he will be on a ship but there is no guarantee that it won't be a Combat Deployment.  We have started planning and informing the kids of Daddy leaving.  Its not as easy subject since we JUST got him back but just like last year, we will get through it.  The only good thing about this is Bill should hopefully get promoted when he returns.  Then....who knows where we will go.  It is a waiting game.   

Emotional Rollercoaster

After 3 months, I will finally get a little pain relief.....even though it involves surgery.  I will be having a lump in my breast removed and tested (to make sure its not cancerous).  It has grown bigger than we expected and has gotten more painful the longer we wait.  Surgery should be in the next couple of weeks.  Im happy to get it removed and relief from pain but also sad that I have to have yet another surgery.  I try to think of the positive instead of the negative, but sometimes its just so hard.  I know its best to just take it out, so thats what my decision is.  I won't know any other details until I see my Surgeon and talk about what the plan of action will be.