Who ever said that it was going to be easy to be a Wife...of a Service Member?
Obviously that person is NOT a Spouse! It is not the easiest job....but most of us love it! Yes, there are good things about this "job"....medical insurance, most have a nice house, etc. The pay....well, thats a different story! I don't think that the pay is enough for what our "Guys" do. (Yes, I know that there are Females in the Military, I was one, but I am now speaking as a Marine Wife)
This job is definitely stressful. When will he be home, will he be home in time to eat dinner with the family, will he work all weekend or get to have time with his kids, when is the next TAD/Deployment.....these are all questions that we have on a day to day basis! SO many nights Bill comes home to dinner in the microwave or fridge to heat up. I feel horrible when he can't eat with us as a family, but Id rather not eat dinner at 7-8pm. Bill tries to be as involved as he can be after he gets home from work. I know that he works hard during the day and that he is tired by the time he gets home....but he still has us to spend time with. The Kids LOVE spending time with Daddy. That is the highlight of their day.....and mine (for once they will want to be with him and not me and I get a few minutes to myself!)
With time getting closer to this deployment, I have realized that I am NOT ready for him to leave!! It is going to be a hard time for all of us, and Im not ready for it! How do you mentally tell yourself that you will be without your Husband for that long of a time? How do I not feel guilty for having all of this time with the Kids and him not be with us? He will be who knows where busting his ass and we will be back here having a fun time doing whatever we want to do. Its not fair....but, we chose this life.
I get very emotional thinking about my Husband being gone for a long period of time. I think of how unfair it is to the Kids to not have him around on a daily basis. How do you explain to 2 young kids that Daddy won't be around for a LONG time? Bill and I are doing everything that we can possibly think of doing to prepare them, and us, for this. Last deployment was a little easier. Kadynce was young enough so she didn't know what was going on and Bradyn was born while he was gone (a very sucky thing!!) but it was easier since I didn't have to explain to them everyday why Daddy wasn't there. This time they are old enough to know that he won't be here. We have started making calendars so they can keep track of how long Daddy is gone. We plan to get a World Map so they can "track" him. We also plan to do fun things like send an Elf on the Shelf to him so the Elf can make sure that Daddy is being good for Christmas. Kadynce is already looking forward to making Bills Homecoming sign. She sees the neighborhood ones hanging on garages and gets excited that her Daddy will have one too.
Having the Kids involved and understand what is going on definitely does help sometimes. I love being able to talk to them about it and help them get through it. Kadynce knows that it is okay to be sad and cry when Daddy is gone. Bradyn gets sad at night because he wants cuddles from Bill but he knows that its okay to get sad too. We try to all comfort each other when we get sad. The Kids know that I too get sad and need to cry.
Somedays, I do hate this job. But most of the time.....I wouldn't have it any other way! We have made this life for us and our family and we are making the best from it!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Reflection...
As I sit here and reflect on this last week it makes me.....emotional.
Having my Husband away doing training and only being able to communicate through email (which I am grateful for) and having SO much happen within a day...adds to the everyday stresses. Having so little time to decide what in life is mot important to grab is a VERY hard choice. I grabbed the few things that I knew off the top of my head, the dog, the kids, and myself. That was the most important.
The first people I could think to call were my Mom, Dad, and Bills Unit. Within 20 minutes Bill had called and said that he heard there was a fire on the news and wanted to make sure we were okay. We were on our way to our evacuation site so I pulled over and tried to calmly explain what was going on. After talking to him, I knew that everything would eventually be okay. It may not have been at THAT moment, but it would be. We got to the Gym, signed in, and met up with some of my bestest friends. We all waited....and watched as the fire got larger and closer to our homes. We could see the thick, black smoke and even flames from the gym. On the inside, I was a mess!! Trying not to break down and cry in front of the Kids was SO hard. I just wanted to melt. Having my Girlfriends there helped a lot!!! We all tried to stay calm and just go with the flow....not knowing what was going to happen next.
After a few hours at the Gym, we were told that we would not be returning home that night. A few of us got a hotel room in San Diego and drove there for the night. It was nice for us adults to stick together not only for our sake, but also the Kids. We needed to keep them as calm as we could and being together was the best option. After very little sleep for all of us....ok, well the Kids got good sleep, we walked a little ways to eat breakfast. It was nice to get out of the hotel and tai our minds off of all of the chaos. After IHOP, we went shopping. We then decided to head back to Base and see the status of our neighborhood. We knew that about 40 power poles were damaged and needed replaced before we could return. Almost back, I got a phone call saying that we can return home. Feeling nervous, I drove straight to the house. After pulling up to the house, I had a sense of relief. Our house was still standing.
Walking in my house and realizing that I could have came back to nothing was very overwhelming. There are so many things in my house that I cherish and would love to take with me. Too bad there is only so much room in an SUV.
We still had fires that were close to our area so new bags were packed and ready. Things that I had forgotten the first time were grabbed and by the door. I wasn't able to grab Tim the first time, so he was one of the first things ready to go if we had to leave again. Yes, I do believe that his presence helped keep me as calm as I could have been and kept our houses safe.
I explained to the Kids everything that was going on. Why the air was smokey and the ash was falling from the sky. We watched one of the fires from our living room window. We even sat down and prayed (my Kids aren't use to that). We wanted everyone to be safe and not get hurt. There were plenty of questions from the Kids and all I could do is answer them the best I could.
Going to bed that night was difficult. Would we be okay for the night or would we be woken up to have to leave again?? We were able to sleep all night and not have to leave. By that next morning, the smoke and ash was clearing the sky. We were finally able to stand outside for more than 30 seconds without out noses and throats burning from the smokey air.
As time went on, the danger slowly went away. Which means the stress was slowly going away as well. We still have bags packed and ready. I think this whole experience put us all on our toes knowing that we really weren't prepared.
Being able to get a phone call from Bill everyday during all of this has definitely helped. I know that he was stressing out and worried about us. He must not know that us "Stroller Mafia Bitches" can handle anything that comes our way when our Husbands are gone!!! :)
Having my Husband away doing training and only being able to communicate through email (which I am grateful for) and having SO much happen within a day...adds to the everyday stresses. Having so little time to decide what in life is mot important to grab is a VERY hard choice. I grabbed the few things that I knew off the top of my head, the dog, the kids, and myself. That was the most important.
The first people I could think to call were my Mom, Dad, and Bills Unit. Within 20 minutes Bill had called and said that he heard there was a fire on the news and wanted to make sure we were okay. We were on our way to our evacuation site so I pulled over and tried to calmly explain what was going on. After talking to him, I knew that everything would eventually be okay. It may not have been at THAT moment, but it would be. We got to the Gym, signed in, and met up with some of my bestest friends. We all waited....and watched as the fire got larger and closer to our homes. We could see the thick, black smoke and even flames from the gym. On the inside, I was a mess!! Trying not to break down and cry in front of the Kids was SO hard. I just wanted to melt. Having my Girlfriends there helped a lot!!! We all tried to stay calm and just go with the flow....not knowing what was going to happen next.
After a few hours at the Gym, we were told that we would not be returning home that night. A few of us got a hotel room in San Diego and drove there for the night. It was nice for us adults to stick together not only for our sake, but also the Kids. We needed to keep them as calm as we could and being together was the best option. After very little sleep for all of us....ok, well the Kids got good sleep, we walked a little ways to eat breakfast. It was nice to get out of the hotel and tai our minds off of all of the chaos. After IHOP, we went shopping. We then decided to head back to Base and see the status of our neighborhood. We knew that about 40 power poles were damaged and needed replaced before we could return. Almost back, I got a phone call saying that we can return home. Feeling nervous, I drove straight to the house. After pulling up to the house, I had a sense of relief. Our house was still standing.
Walking in my house and realizing that I could have came back to nothing was very overwhelming. There are so many things in my house that I cherish and would love to take with me. Too bad there is only so much room in an SUV.
We still had fires that were close to our area so new bags were packed and ready. Things that I had forgotten the first time were grabbed and by the door. I wasn't able to grab Tim the first time, so he was one of the first things ready to go if we had to leave again. Yes, I do believe that his presence helped keep me as calm as I could have been and kept our houses safe.
I explained to the Kids everything that was going on. Why the air was smokey and the ash was falling from the sky. We watched one of the fires from our living room window. We even sat down and prayed (my Kids aren't use to that). We wanted everyone to be safe and not get hurt. There were plenty of questions from the Kids and all I could do is answer them the best I could.
Going to bed that night was difficult. Would we be okay for the night or would we be woken up to have to leave again?? We were able to sleep all night and not have to leave. By that next morning, the smoke and ash was clearing the sky. We were finally able to stand outside for more than 30 seconds without out noses and throats burning from the smokey air.
As time went on, the danger slowly went away. Which means the stress was slowly going away as well. We still have bags packed and ready. I think this whole experience put us all on our toes knowing that we really weren't prepared.
Being able to get a phone call from Bill everyday during all of this has definitely helped. I know that he was stressing out and worried about us. He must not know that us "Stroller Mafia Bitches" can handle anything that comes our way when our Husbands are gone!!! :)
Sunday, May 11, 2014
The Greatest Gift
Sometimes, people take life for granted.
I love to live life to the fullest. Try anything once. Go travel. Do whatever I want to do. ONLY because life is not always guaranteed tomorrow. Life is too short to not be happy!
I have a GREAT life. I have a beyond amazing Husband and two wonderful kids. I can't imagine my life without them. They have all 3 taught me how to live life and be happy. My Husband may drive me bat shit crazy sometimes and the kids make me want to poke my eyes out with a fork.....but I still look at them everyday and thank them. Thank them for who they are so I can be who I am!!
Losing Jadyn taught me a lot of things. But most importantly....theres no guarantee on life. It can be taken from you in an instant.
With the job that my Husband has in the Military, anything can happen. He could be gone tomorrow....and I have NO CLUE how I would go on in my life! We cherish the time that we have together....knowing that someday it may never come again. Nobody can see in to our future and tell us what lies ahead. Enjoy it now or regret it later!
The greatest gift that I have been given is to be a Mother. To be the person to parent my Kids and help raise them to be great people in our society. It is not always an easy job, and they usually try to make it harder, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love staying home with them and seeing them grow in to amazing, smart, and talented Kids. <3
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