These last few days have made me realize how sometimes we take things for granted. Having an appointment and expecting the best but having the worst happen, is not what anyone wants.
Walking in to the Dr, I had good thoughts and thinking everything was going to be okay. After the Dr came in and looked at my right breast, we came to the conclusion that our only option at that point was to remove that implant. The left is doing AMAZING! It has healed wonderfully and looks great. The right....well, it was having LOTS of issues. We have battled the same incision spot for 7 weeks and hoping that it would heal on its own. It hadn't happened. THIS was the ONLY option.
The feelings that immediately came over me were overwhelming. The first thought..."is this REALLY worth it?" Who in their right mind would voluntarily go in for surgery knowing that this could happen?! I DID! And I DONT REGRET that choice. This procedure has definitely made me love myself more. Yes, I only have one perfect breast...for now! I have accepted that this takes time. Once my body heals from the removal, we will go back in the OR and put the implant back in. It may take 3 months, or 6 months...and I am okay with this! My body needs to heal. It was a HUGE surgery that I underwent at once just so I can love myself and feel better about myself.
Was it worth it...YUP! Id do it again in a heartbeat! Just because I had one removed, doesn't mean it is the end of the world. I will have it put back in...in time.
The first couple days were very emotional. My Husband wasn't here, I now have to walk around with my breasts different sizes (465 cc difference!!!), I had to rely on my best friends for helping me with my kids, helping around my house, or anything for that matter!! Having these girls around me is the best medicine! They can make me laugh like nobody else. They are there to comfort me, hug me, for me to lean on, cry to, scream at, yell to....anything! They are all my Husband when he is not here and I don't think I could find any other Ladies to be just as amazing as these ones are!
Standing in front of the mirror...looking at myself...thinking whatever comes to mind. All I can think is that I am still ME! Im still just as beautiful even though one side is perfect and one side isn't...yet! The Dr gave me an implant insert that I could wear in my bra if I wanted to. I put it in, and took it right back out. I feel more awkward with it in. Im okay with how I look for now. This is a bump in the road and if it means walking around with one big boob and one little boob...so be it!! Im okay with it.
Does this suck?? Hell yeah it does! Thinking that this surgery was the cure all for my low self esteem and then 7 weeks post surgery having to have one removed....yup, sucks a big fat one (and not in a good way!)!! Shit happens, and I am dealing with it.
Bill has been amazingly supportive through all of this. From the moment I decided to go for the surgery until....well, he is still supportive! He's been a huge rock for me. HE keeps me in reality. That is isn't that worst that could have happened. It could have gotten WAY worse and the outcome that we are wanting could have never happened. He keeps me having positive thoughts about all of it. No, he won't see the new boobs before he deploys. Guess that will be one more thing for him to look forward to while he is gone!
The Kids...well, the know that I have an owie. Kadynce is definitely my cuddle bug when she knows that I am not feeling well. She saw my stitches and then had to ask a million questions. I am very open with her on what has happened and what will continue to happen. She is a HUGE helper when I need help with anything. Bradyn...he don't quite understand. He just always asks if I am okay or if I am sick. He loves to cuddle too....and his hugs and kisses always make me feel better. <3
And then there is Kelli, Allison, and Dana! Dana is amazing for keeping my kids overnight the evening that I had the implant removed. My Kids love going to her house to play and hate to leave!! Dana helped SO much emotionally before, during, and after all of this. I can't imagine the emotions that I would have if it weren't for her. Allison made me and the Kids breakfast, lunch, and dinner the day after. She helped clean the house, do laundry, unload/load the dishwasher, and help look after the Kids. (by the way....her chicken salad was AHH-MAZING!!!) And then there is Kelli....!! Kelli has kept me grounded through all of this. She's AMAZING! She is the one that drove me to the Dr for all of this. She sat next to me, helped wipe my tears, and made me realize that it wasn't all that bad. She keeps me laughing and going everyday. She has taken the Kids so I could get some rest when I was in pain. If there is ever anything that I need, I can call her and she would be here! (I know the other ladies would be too!) Theres something about a relationship with these ladies that I NEVER want to change. I never want any of us to move. If one moves....we all move....TOGETHER! LOL Having these Girls has made me realize that this journey that I am on, isn't all THAT bad!
As Kelli says...."Raise the Roof", "Come at me Bro", and "Suck it up Buttercup"
Shit happens....deal with it! It may not be as easy as you think, but where there is a will, there is a way!
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| BEFORE/AFTER in OR |
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| 2 Weeks Post Op |
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| 4 Weeks Post Op |
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| 6 Weeks Post Op |
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| 7 Weeks Post Op/Removal of Right Implant |
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