Somedays I feel like I have everything under control. Others, I just want to crawl in a dark hole by myself. The last few weeks have been stressful. Ive been trying to juggle being a "single" parent, the Kids going to School, all of the housework, the bills, and most of all MYSELF! I have been trying to workout at the gym at least 5 days a week. Focusing on myself has been a HUGE change. Having that couple hours to myself at the gym to just think of my goals and focus on myself has been great. With Bill being gone, it is the only time that there are no distractions and I can just focus and think.
Yesterday was a little rough. Jadyn would have been 5 years old. I can't believe that it has been so long since we last saw the heartbeat and little face on that screen.
Im not too sure why but lately, Im just happier by myself. I love being with my friends, but I have just enjoyed being by myself too. So many stupid things annoy me lately.....and I don't know why. Why should the actions of others bother me? They SHOULDNT....but they have!!
I don't know if it is because I am in the "anger stage" of deployment....or if its something else. SO many times that I just want to tell someone to shut the fuck up.
I just want a timeout. A timeout from life. Time to re-check life. Get things back to "normal".
God only throws so much at someone when he thinks they can handle it....but I want to throw my hands up. I want to give up. Too bad thats NOT an option for me!!!
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