Im not even sure how to start this blog. For once Im not sure how to even put in to words what I am thinking and feeling. In 3 days, it is the anniversary of losing Jadyn. After being SO excited to find out we were pregnant, going through a LOT of complications, having surgery to make sure everything was okay, and then a few weeks later losing the baby....it all happened so fast. Even though Jadyn was not planned, we were over the moon excited to be parents. That excitement soon turned to hurt, anger, and emptiness. Bill and I had a trip to Vegas planned to get away and have time for us (Dr approved me to go relax and get away). After having a GREAT few days in Vegas, we were heading to the Airport. After going through Security at the Airport something just didnt seem "right". On the way to our gate, I told Bill that I needed to stop and use the restroom. All I could do is come out of the restroom sobbing and in tears. Bill not knowing what is happening, I had to tell him that there was blood everywhere and I don't think that Jadyn was okay. Something just told me that my Baby was gone. I called my Dr in Oklahoma and she told me that I needed to get checked out. Well, already on the plane and ready to take off, we flew to Houston and then to Oklahoma City. Bill kept telling me to stay positive but as a Mom, you KNOW that it isnt possible in that situation. We drive from Oklahoma City to Lawton and straight to the Hospital. After looking at the ultrasound, we saw Jadyn but no heartbeat. I felt like they ripped my heart out. Going home knowing that I was not going to have a Baby was heartbreaking. I didnt know what to say to Bill and Bill didnt know what to say to me. All I wanted to do was cry. After a few days of not talking, we finally sat down and all I could do was break down because that pain was still there. To this day, I still have all of the heartache, pain, and anger. What did I ever do to deserve this? Was God punishing us for something? There were SO many unanswered questions.
3 months after losing Jadyn, we were blessed to find out that we were expecting again. It was hard not to tell anyone because we were so excited. But how could we ever tell everyone again that something could go wrong? We had checkups, ultrasounds, tests, and medications every week to make sure that we did everything possible to make sure we didnt lose another baby. Kadynce is my our drama queen princess. She makes everyday different.
When Kadynce was 3 months old, we found out we were expecting again. Again, we had to decide if we wanted to tell all of our friends and family from the beginning. We did. Just like last time, we did everything possible to make sure that this Baby was going to be safe and healthy. After thinking that the baby was going to be a Girl (we had the name Kynzee Rose picked out) the Dr told us it was a Boy! We were over the moon excited, but still so nervous. Bill picked out his name and that is why we now have a little boy with initials B.A.D. (Bradyn Allen Denney) Bradyn is a little daredevil. Not afraid to do anything. He definitely keeps us on our toes.
After having these 2 happy and healthy babies we decided that we were blessed and were done expanding out family. Bill was fixed first (twice actually) and then I had a hysterectomy. There are definitely NO more babies for us.
Nothing will bring back Baby Jadyn. I try to remind myself that I wouldnt have Kadynce or Bradyn if we didnt go through the experience with Jadyn. Jadyn taught us a lot of things....and one of those is that everything happens for a reason. We will NEVER know the reason that things happen, but when something good happens after a heartbreaking situation you have to realize that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
I will FOREVER miss Baby Jadyn and I will always have the heartbreaking feelings every March 2nd, but when I look in the eyes of my 2 amazing babies that stand in front of me, I am BLESSED!! <3
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